fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
