Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
