I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Success! We fucked roommates!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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