Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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