Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
