he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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