Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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