i think my tv is drunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize