I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
