one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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