If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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