I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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