she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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