JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
