It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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