Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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