WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
a search helicopter?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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