his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
