HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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