If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
