i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
