She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
