oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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