she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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