I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
