Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
