When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you had me at cake vodka
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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