I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize