people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
