shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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