hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
