I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
