I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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