if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize