you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
