It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
