He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
