i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
