He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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