i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
