Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
