High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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