remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
