well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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