That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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