i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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