i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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