Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
