jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
