I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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