I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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