Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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