I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
