you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry my hands just texted you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
