she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's never too late to be topless.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
