I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
