Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
