I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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