i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
