??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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