she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my poor anus
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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