I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
