no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
