I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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