I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
