your parents love me but you hate me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
