do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
