That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
