It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize