I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
