Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
