Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
