They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
