I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize