i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
