Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
