super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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