YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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