You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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