and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
