...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
