I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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