You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
