wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize