You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
