I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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