then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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