get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got inside last night via doggy door
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
