I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
