The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
