my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
