It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
